No, I have not moved on.

That girl I mentioned in my last post left for a trip today. She asked me to drive her to meet a group of people this morning, and you can imagine how elated I was that she reached out to me! I spent a long time last night making sure my eyebrows were perfectly plucked, my nails well-colored. Even though I knew it wouldn’t really matter how I looked, I wanted to look good for her. I was giddy all day yesterday in anticipation, and I tossed all night. I woke up early to shower and get ready — I dried my hair just enough that it would look freshly-washed, but not rushed. I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable that I got up early just to drive her, so I got up extra early instead.

We talked in the car and it felt so familiar and so nice. It meant more to me than it should have, but hey, I treasure every moment I can get with her. I’ve been thinking all day about how great it was to be with her this morning.

So to answer my question in my last post — no, I have not moved on. And that makes me disappointed that I can’t let go, but also excited that I’m confident about a lot of different things about myself.

Am I moving on?

I worked all day today and after my break when I was pulling into the back parking lot of the building I started to feel anxious. I quickly scanned the front parking lot to see the silver Dodge I’d recognize in an instant, but from what I saw it looked clear. I entered the building and walked to the front to check back in and noticed the place was pretty packed. I started to feel a sense of urgency and a few seconds later dared to glance at the room. I saw her: my old crush. Continue reading