I needed to come out to someone else. Maybe someone who could relate more clearly. One of my mostly-out gay friends and I have talked about LGBT rights and societal perception quite frequently. We have discussed how disappointing the conservative viewpoint is. We try to be open to differing opinions, acknowledging that some beliefs have supportive reasoning, but we also clearly point out that much of it is arbitrary. She’s one of my most trustworthy friends.
I didn’t know that I would come out to her next. I think that’s important to acknowledge. I didn’t plan for it, it just happened because I needed it to and because the timing was perfect.
We had just wrapped up a big gathering of a large group of my friends in my basement. We do it every year as an official goodbye to our seniors. I hate treating twelfth graders as superior to everyone else, but this is always different. It’s not a worshipping mentality, it’s just a needed farewell. Needless to say, there are a lot of tears involved.
Near the end of the night, say, 2:00 am, there were only a handful of us left, and lots of tired eyes. The last of my friends were ready to head out to their next adventure, and I was ready to hit the bed. I followed my friends outside to at least make it look like I tried to clean up. Just as they were all collecting their chairs and blankets and walking towards the street, I called my friend over.
“I need to tell you something.”
“What is it, honey?” “Honey” is her sweet nickname for everyone.
I remembered to breathe. A tear or two rolled down my cheek, but after the few hours preceding, my body regarded it as normal. I could feel her supporting my forearms as if she was the only thing holding me up. Maybe she was. “I’m gay,” I almost said it as a question, with my voice sounding different. I commended myself for being able to say the G-word this time. I let a few more tears slip by, but my salt-water supply was running low.
She looked at me softly and said, “Me too.” I sighed in some sort of relief. It’s getting easier.
“I don’t want to say that I knew, but…” I smiled, a little surprised. It assured me. She promised me that she’s there for me, and after making sure I was slightly more stable, ran off to catch her ride.
She texted me as soon as she left saying how proud she was. I felt, for the first time in a while, very comfortable with myself. Very OK. And I waited up for my other friend (“The best friend”), to call so I could share the news. And I slept quite well that night.
–May 18, 2014