“Would you still have told me if we had slept in that morning?” My friend (“The best friend”) asked me today, referring to the day I came out to her — would I have told her if that day had gone differently? If we had slept in too late, skipping sub par Panera breakfasting and casual strolling in the park?
I have never woken up with a plan in mind or a script to follow. I woke up, and continue to wake up, nervous and itching to be comfortable to tell more people. But there have only been two days that I have actually followed through. And I’m okay with that — I just say it to acknowledge that when I woke up on April 27, I didn’t know that I was going to come out a few hours later.
It didn’t so much matter what we did that day or at what time, it only mattered what we talked about that led me to the topic. If we hadn’t been talking about crushes and talking about dating as deeply as we were, I can say with confidence that I would not have come out.
I got a really great piece of advice from another friend (“The gay friend”) today: “Wait until you’re ready, and sometimes you won’t know until you feel yourself say it.”
I didn’t know it was going to happen. It just came out — I just came out.