Search for escape

I’m reading this book. (I’ll leave out the title and author to keep myself anonymous, though in no way trying to undermine the author’s work). Today I came across a few lines that really struck a chord with me:

[She] became my everyday friend. My need for her wisdom and take on everything going on with me was becoming so important and valuable that…I began building a case against her, looking for a way out. When someone meant a lot to me, it became even harder to be direct, and instead I became resentful.

It upsets me that I relate so well with this. I don’t know why admiration or fondness for someone sprouts into a deep sadness and sort of self-disappointment. If anything, it should warrant self-appreciation for sharing one’s life with remarkable people. Ultimately it’s a trust issue: not just between people, but mainly with oneself. For some people — people like me — it takes a long time to trust decisions enough to let important people in. And oftentimes, the overwhelmingness of trust freaks us out and the search for escape ensues.


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