When I came out to my first friend, I was anxious. Obviously partially because of the magnitude of what I was saying, but also because coming out can be selfish if not done well. The timing is important, as I have posted about several times, but not just the “right” moment, but also the appropriate moment. I wouldn’t come out to someone on an important occasion — their birthday, graduation, anniversary, etc. On days like those where there is some entitlement of selfishness, it’s important not to usurp that. Which is another reason coming out is so hard — you have to find the time when you feel the most comfortable, when you have an opportunity to say it and keeping in mind the life of the person you are telling. It’s like making sure you’re just confiding, not being an inconvenience.

Which is why I was surprised when my friend said, “I am honored that you chose to tell me.” I thought that sharing the thoughts in my head — taking up her time, turning the conversation from light to heavy — was burdensome, somewhat depressing…not at all flattering. It was a shock that she took my coming out as a token of friendship and respect, and looking back, I can tell I needed that. I really appreciate that.


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