“Should I do it?” I asked my friend (“The best friend“).
“I…I don’t know if I can answer that for you. I know what I would do, but this is going to affect you. I don’t think I can answer that.”
I thought. And second guessed. And went back and forth. And finally decided.
I’m going to another camp in a few weeks. Yesterday we had to email our counselors with a list of three things. (I don’t want to say too much as to give myself away, so we’ll stick with this). For one of the things in my list, I thought it might be important for the counselor to know that I am gay. (Again, this would make more sense if I didn’t want to keep it so vague). That’s where my doubts were sparked. Basically I had to answer this question: Do I want to go to this camp in a few weeks, where I don’t know anyone and probably won’t see anyone again, as an openly gay person?
I’m desperately curious about the out lifestyle. I’m sure I’ll feel more comfortable and more free. Two things that I really long for. And so, with my friend’s help, I decided that yes, I want to be out for a week.
In my email to the counselor I wrote “…I am a (mostly-closeted, out-to-a-small-handful-of-friends) gay person…”
I sent the email.
Still waiting on the reply.
I’ll keep it posted.
–July 12, 2014