FOX’s show Glee made me second-guess myself for quite a while.
There’s a scene in one of the earlier episodes where the character Kurt is telling Sue something about him being gay. (I can’t find an online video or script for context). Sue says something like, “Well have you kissed a boy? Have you kissed a girl?” Kurt says no to both. “You’re not gay, you’re just pathetic.”
The first part of that conversation really had me questioning myself. Was she right? How could I really be gay if I hadn’t experienced either type of relationship?
So for a while, I didn’t think I could be gay or straight until I was in a relationship. How would I know if I liked kissing girls until I actually did? That was my reasoning.
One of my friends once told me that she considers everyone asexual until they come out as straight or gay or what have you. I thought that made sense: Everyone’s neutral until otherwise specified. And I didn’t think you could specify until you actually experienced it.
For some reason I let a line meant to be taken as a ridiculous joke in a television show as my guide to sexuality. It’s so outlandish — of course you can have sexual preferences without having experienced a relationship — but for a deeply questioning LGBT teen, it made sense.