It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything because nothing profound has happened to me. I have never walked around my school feeling like I’m lying to everyone, feeling like I have this big burden that I’m trying to cover up — until yesterday.
A few of my friends and I were sitting in a classroom, just relaxing as most everyone else had dispersed for lunch. One of my friends said that she had giant, inflatable men in her house (as part of a project) and I jokingly said, “Ha, me too, except I have actual men…A dozen, real men are just in my house, haha!” Everyone laughed along — it was funny, not awkward.
Then another friend, someone with a very brash, insensitive, inquisitive personality said, “You know, I’ve never heard you talk about guys or anything like that…And I can’t really see you, like, with a guy.” “Yeah, I can’t either,” my friend with the men chimed in. Gee, thanks, I thought.
This isn’t the first time my insensitive friend has said it’s odd that I don’t talk about boys with her. It is the first time she said she can’t see me with a guy, which I took as an insult.
“I’m a pretty private person,” I said, “There are a lot of things I don’t tell you guys about.”
One of my other friends, who kept quiet most of the conversation, said, “Oh, yeah, I see that.”
“But, like, you’re really into a lot of gay people…like Neil Patrick Harris is gay, Ellen and Portia are gay, Lady Gaga’s bi,” the insensitive friend said. Again, not the first time she’s brought up these names to me, and suggested that the celebrities I am fond of are indicative of my sexuality.
“Hey, have you ever thought about being a lesbian?” my friend with the men asked. She donned a smirk and contained a laugh, ready to ridicule the very thought of girls liking girls. I was surprised to hear this coming from her — she has a lot of gay friends and I’d assumed she was more delicate with this subject, but now my perception of her has changed completely.
I just laughed a little and responded, “Haha, uhh, what are you asking me?” God bless my other friend, who had been watching this conversation draw out with concerned eyes and the decency to know its inappropriateness, who said something else to change the subject.
Anger, embarrassment and confusion swirl through my head, but mainly I come away knowing this: insensitivity and inquisitiveness only lead to trouble, and I should be more careful around people who don’t understand sexuality’s delicateness.